Last night I went out with a guy named John that I have not seen in a year. We went on 2 dates last year but never went on a 3rd date. John is in his early 40s (he lied on his dating profile and put 39). He owns a business and has never been married. He's around 5'9, brown hair, brown eyes, soft spoken, and a bit peculiar.
He contacted me recently by email and asked why we never went on a 3rd date. I replied and told him that he rarely called me and only sent texts which was a turn off and also that he got too physical way too fast. He asked if he could have the opportunity to take me out again. I told him yes. He started calling me over the last 2 weeks. We have had some decent communication. Things were way better than they were before. I noticed some areas where we were not compatible. One being that he is into conspiracy theories. He is not an extremist but the fact that he does not vote because he does not want the government tracking his information alarms me. I have a couple of minor conspiracy theories myself but I do not live my life around it. My outlook on life is way different than his. He seems more negative and like a non-participating citizen which drives me crazy.
I met him at an expensive asian restaurant. I walked in and saw him and immediately knew why I did not go on a 3rd date. I had that same repulsed feeling again. I looked around the room and noticed the other couples snuggled next to each other in tables and booths. For a moment I envisioned myself one day sitting there with someone else. The men were dressed in white crisp shirts with and without ties. My date was wearing jeans and an old polo like shirt in this nice fancy place. What a turn off. He knew the style of the restaurant.
I sat down and tried to look at him but had a hard time. I realized at that moment that I was so not attracted to him physically. Last year I was dealing with the pain of not seeing Austin anymore and John was one of the guys that I dated right after him. John is confusing to look at. He seems awkward but then he may give a certain facial expression that makes him look cute. His face seems a bit rough and what turns me off the most are his ears. His ears do not stick out at all. They are too big for his head. I normally do not notice much physically about someone because it is so much more than that for me. But I think that his big ears, rough face, and awkwardness, combined with the fact that he lied about his age, is into conspiracy theories, loves horror films, watches serial killer documentaries, and asked me what my foot size is because he likes big feet, just sent me through the roof. The last thing I want is to be the story line for the next Hannibal Lecter movie.
He began to look cuter as I drank my Martini. The food was delicious. It was so pretty that I did not want to eat it. It was time for the bill and I debated on whether I should pay my half because I was not into him. I decided that he should pay because he invited me. He walked me out to my car and I sensed that he was expecting a kiss because we did so before on dates 1 and 2. I could not bring myself to do it. I leaned in to give him a hug. He made some kind of ummmm sound which sent the bad chills up my spine and he tried to kiss me and I went for the hug and patted him on the back like a friend. I felt awful for rejecting him but I could not help it. There is no way that I could go there with him. We said bye and he walked away and I shouted for him to call me even though I did not mean it. I know he sensed it. Later I texted him and thanked him for the dinner and company. I never heard back.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
The "Ultimate" Cheatin' Ex-Boyfriend
I found my first real boyfriend, Jay, on Facebook a few days ago. He is the man that I lost my virginity to and the one that ripped my heart out when he cheated on me multiple times. We were also engaged at one time. I have been looking for him for years. Not to reconnect a love romance but to see what his life turned out like. He is now married with 3 kids. It appears to me that his wife is who helped turn his life around. We met for lunch today. It was odd at first because we are both now adults not teenagers. He apologized for being such a jerk to me in the past. I did feel his emotional neediness towards me, though. After we finished our lunch, I asked him if he would take a photo with me because I am creating an album for "ex boyfriends". He laughed and said he would. He also told me that he is the "ultimate" ex-boyfriend because he was the one that "had" me first. Do all men think like this? What freakin' nerve! We sat next to each other while the waiter took our photo. His hand went on my leg and he immediately removed it. He later texted me and made some comments towards me that made me think that he is still a cheater so I called him out on it. I thank God that I never ended up with him. We are 2 totally different people now and what attracts me to a man is much more than what he can offer me. I told him that I plan to support him in his marriage with his 3 beautiful kids as a friend. I am glad that I met with him.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
My Steamy Date with Austin
Last Friday was one of the most amazing days of my life. I wanted to see Austin so bad all year and the day finally came. I did not feel like I was ready to see him because I had not been taking care of myself but I went with it anyway and hoped for the best.
In order to explain the importance of this date, I need to give some background on Austin. He is upper 30's, people pleaser, beautiful brown eyes, highly intelligent, geeky, and commitment- phobic. We dated 3 months last year with no commitment. I was cool with that. It was the best time I have ever had dating. I built trust with Austin and eventually had sex with him. It had been many years since I had sex. The last time I saw Austin was the only time I ever slept with him. We had spent the night together at least 3 times but no intercourse. The night we slept together I planned it. Austin escorted me to an event. We were all dressed up. It was a wonderful evening. He came back to my place and we had great sex. I could not of imagined a more perfect night. Every detail was in place. The next morning, we had wake up sex and then he was off to work. He kissed me bye and emailed me that afternoon but he never called me again! I did not react to it. I pulled away from him and 1 1/2 months later, he contacted me by email and apologized. We exchanged a few emails in the beginning of 2008 but that was it. I was devastated by the rejection. I did not stop though, I kept on dating. I did go through a funk over it and put on some weight. All year I wondered why Austin never called. We dated for 3 months. It was not like we were on the first date. I went through every reason I could think of to try and figure it out. Now, I know why he never called.
Fast forward to the present. I was so nervous to see Austin. I spent lots of time grooming so I felt like a million bucks when I went to go meet him. He originally said that he wanted to meet somewhere near me but I told him I wanted to meet him near the city. He suggested a wine bar which is the place we went on our first date last year. I walked up to the wine bar where we were meeting and he was sitting at a table outside. It was a lovely evening. He got up to hug me and kissed me on the cheek. We sat down and talked for a long time before ordering our wine. We both tried different wine flights and he also ordered a cheese tray. What I love about Austin is that he takes care of me really well. He would cut the cheese and bread and hand it to me. He had my wine glasses perfectly lined up where I knew what I was drinking. I did not know if this was friendly or if this was a date so I kept my distance. We had a great time talking and laughing. Austin kept touching my arm so I knew this was more than friendly. He eventually held my hand.
Next we went to another bar with loud dance music and hookahs. The place is so sexy. We sat on a really nice round, high backed couch. The lights were dim. We ordered some drinks and smoked a hookah. He kissed me and wow. He told me he forgot how sensual my kisses are. I was so happy that I wondered if it was actually real. We teased each other a bit and kissed off and on. The conversation was really fun. I learned so much more about him. I felt like he opened up and trusted me more. Later, we talked about going back to his place. I was not sure if I was ready for that so I was still considering it. All year long I have wanted to have sex with him and here it is right in front of me! The last person I slept with was Austin. The night moved on and I was seriously buzzed from the dirty martinis. I did not eat much earlier so that had everything to do with it.
After we left, Austin drove us by a late night fast food place so that I could sober up before driving. He was so cute. The man really knows how to serve me and please me. He totally gets my sexuality as well. We have never had to talk about it. As we were driving back to my car I told him that I had an idea. I said that I was staying in a hotel up the road for an event and he could come up. I told him to wait in the car while I went in to check in. Then I would text him my room number. My room was on the top floor overlooking the city with floor to ceiling windows. It was one hot, sexy night. When we were laying on the bed, he tells me that he felt humiliated the last time that we were together. He said that it was not me, that he felt like he could not "perform" for me sexually what I deserved. Looking back now, I put way too much pressure on him sexually that night. I did not mean to. It was my first time after many years so I joked about getting it on all night. This created performance anxiety in him. I remember him telling me that there was something wrong and that he needed to see a doctor. I told him that it was completely normal. I believe now that this is why he never called me. He was humiliated because he had performance anxiety. He went through it again this time as well and he tried to cover it up. I was trying to comfort him and let him know it is completely normal. He ended up telling me that he wanted to hold me all night long. We did and it was wonderful. I love that.
The next morning we woke up and took a shower together. He washed my hair, conditioned it, soaped me, and dried me off. We had more sex after that. Then he left to catch a plane and I had to get ready. He called me 5 minutes after he left and said that he had a wonderful time. I honestly don't know if I will hear from him. I told him to text me when he gets back in town. I want to believe that he will call or contact me in some way because he has such a conscience. If he does not, my plan is to not let another year go by in silence, I will nudge him and pursue him gently and slowly. This man excites me and he motivates me to face my greatest fears. And to think that when I first met him that I told myself that he was too geeky and that I would never see him again. HA! At the very least, I want him in my life as a friend. We get along so well and I have such a blast. Time will only tell.
In order to explain the importance of this date, I need to give some background on Austin. He is upper 30's, people pleaser, beautiful brown eyes, highly intelligent, geeky, and commitment- phobic. We dated 3 months last year with no commitment. I was cool with that. It was the best time I have ever had dating. I built trust with Austin and eventually had sex with him. It had been many years since I had sex. The last time I saw Austin was the only time I ever slept with him. We had spent the night together at least 3 times but no intercourse. The night we slept together I planned it. Austin escorted me to an event. We were all dressed up. It was a wonderful evening. He came back to my place and we had great sex. I could not of imagined a more perfect night. Every detail was in place. The next morning, we had wake up sex and then he was off to work. He kissed me bye and emailed me that afternoon but he never called me again! I did not react to it. I pulled away from him and 1 1/2 months later, he contacted me by email and apologized. We exchanged a few emails in the beginning of 2008 but that was it. I was devastated by the rejection. I did not stop though, I kept on dating. I did go through a funk over it and put on some weight. All year I wondered why Austin never called. We dated for 3 months. It was not like we were on the first date. I went through every reason I could think of to try and figure it out. Now, I know why he never called.
Fast forward to the present. I was so nervous to see Austin. I spent lots of time grooming so I felt like a million bucks when I went to go meet him. He originally said that he wanted to meet somewhere near me but I told him I wanted to meet him near the city. He suggested a wine bar which is the place we went on our first date last year. I walked up to the wine bar where we were meeting and he was sitting at a table outside. It was a lovely evening. He got up to hug me and kissed me on the cheek. We sat down and talked for a long time before ordering our wine. We both tried different wine flights and he also ordered a cheese tray. What I love about Austin is that he takes care of me really well. He would cut the cheese and bread and hand it to me. He had my wine glasses perfectly lined up where I knew what I was drinking. I did not know if this was friendly or if this was a date so I kept my distance. We had a great time talking and laughing. Austin kept touching my arm so I knew this was more than friendly. He eventually held my hand.
Next we went to another bar with loud dance music and hookahs. The place is so sexy. We sat on a really nice round, high backed couch. The lights were dim. We ordered some drinks and smoked a hookah. He kissed me and wow. He told me he forgot how sensual my kisses are. I was so happy that I wondered if it was actually real. We teased each other a bit and kissed off and on. The conversation was really fun. I learned so much more about him. I felt like he opened up and trusted me more. Later, we talked about going back to his place. I was not sure if I was ready for that so I was still considering it. All year long I have wanted to have sex with him and here it is right in front of me! The last person I slept with was Austin. The night moved on and I was seriously buzzed from the dirty martinis. I did not eat much earlier so that had everything to do with it.
After we left, Austin drove us by a late night fast food place so that I could sober up before driving. He was so cute. The man really knows how to serve me and please me. He totally gets my sexuality as well. We have never had to talk about it. As we were driving back to my car I told him that I had an idea. I said that I was staying in a hotel up the road for an event and he could come up. I told him to wait in the car while I went in to check in. Then I would text him my room number. My room was on the top floor overlooking the city with floor to ceiling windows. It was one hot, sexy night. When we were laying on the bed, he tells me that he felt humiliated the last time that we were together. He said that it was not me, that he felt like he could not "perform" for me sexually what I deserved. Looking back now, I put way too much pressure on him sexually that night. I did not mean to. It was my first time after many years so I joked about getting it on all night. This created performance anxiety in him. I remember him telling me that there was something wrong and that he needed to see a doctor. I told him that it was completely normal. I believe now that this is why he never called me. He was humiliated because he had performance anxiety. He went through it again this time as well and he tried to cover it up. I was trying to comfort him and let him know it is completely normal. He ended up telling me that he wanted to hold me all night long. We did and it was wonderful. I love that.
The next morning we woke up and took a shower together. He washed my hair, conditioned it, soaped me, and dried me off. We had more sex after that. Then he left to catch a plane and I had to get ready. He called me 5 minutes after he left and said that he had a wonderful time. I honestly don't know if I will hear from him. I told him to text me when he gets back in town. I want to believe that he will call or contact me in some way because he has such a conscience. If he does not, my plan is to not let another year go by in silence, I will nudge him and pursue him gently and slowly. This man excites me and he motivates me to face my greatest fears. And to think that when I first met him that I told myself that he was too geeky and that I would never see him again. HA! At the very least, I want him in my life as a friend. We get along so well and I have such a blast. Time will only tell.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
All Too Familiar
You won't believe this. I was out shopping and talking to my girlfriend on the phone and then she blurts out that Phillipe just emailed her through a dating website! I felt so sick to my stomach. He told her that he knew me and that he recognized my friend through some of the photos that he had seen. He said he was just checking out the dating site and then he asked her how she was doing. I could not believe it. Phillipe and I met on another dating website and I told him in one of our first phone calls about another dating website that I use. I could no longer shop so I left the store and went home to get on the dating website. Then he saw me online and IM'd me on the dating website. He told me that he saw my friend and he emailed her to say hello. He said he was on the site to spy on me. He also told me that he thought my friend is cute. I agreed and told him that she is cute. I did not want him to think it bothered me. I think Phillipe was intentionally trying to make me jealous because he knows I have a date with Austin on Friday.
This is all too familiar for me. There was a guy that I dated last year that ended up having a crush on my friend. I made the huge mistake of going on a double date on the 2nd date. His attention was on her all night and he later told me about his crush. I was heartbroken over the whole deal. He was a jerk. I feel so lucky because my girlfriend is one of the best friends that anyone could ever have. I can trust her. She would never do anything to hurt me.
Dating Tip for Men and Women - Do not go on a double date or introduce your single friends to your date until you are in a committed relationship.
This is all too familiar for me. There was a guy that I dated last year that ended up having a crush on my friend. I made the huge mistake of going on a double date on the 2nd date. His attention was on her all night and he later told me about his crush. I was heartbroken over the whole deal. He was a jerk. I feel so lucky because my girlfriend is one of the best friends that anyone could ever have. I can trust her. She would never do anything to hurt me.
Dating Tip for Men and Women - Do not go on a double date or introduce your single friends to your date until you are in a committed relationship.
What Should I Do?
Yesterday Phillipe called me. I was so shocked when I saw his name pop on my caller ID. He said that he wanted to see me for lunch. I asked him why and he said that he wanted to be with me with no alcohol. We both arrived at the restaurant late. He still looked good in the daylight and was in casual clothing. He said that he was still not smoking and that my challenge motivated him to quit. Early on I told him that I was an ex smoker who quit 3 years ago and I asked him not to smoke around me or kiss me after smoking because it disgusted me. So he quit before our 1st date and asked me for my support. He has been a jerk lately and he told me that he would have a hard time detoxing from cigarettes.
I asked him why he wanted to meet me now rather than 2 weeks. He said that he wanted to make up his mind about what he wanted to do. I asked him for his thoughts about all of this. He said that he wants to date me regularly and sleep with me regularly but he does not want to call it a serious relationship right away. He said that we can evaluate it at a later time. I told him I was relieved because I was not ready to get in a relationship so fast with him. I asked him if we should see other people. He said do you want to see other people? I said yes, I already have a date scheduled for this Friday. He backed up for a minute and said, "What?" I told him that I was going to see Austin. This freaked him out. He said that he wanted to sleep with me before Friday so that he could feel secure about my date. I asked him why. He said that if he sleeps with me then I won't sleep with Austin. I told him that after Saturday I thought that we were done. I said that I was surprised to hear from him. We ended our lunch. He kissed me bye.
We spoke again later in the evening. I had more questions for him about what he is wanting to do. Our conversation got heated and I am sure that I pissed him off. I was trying to push his buttons to see what he would expose to me. I am just trying to find out if this is a one time deal or a "regular" deal. If I sleep with someone, I want it to be more than once. First of all, I do not see myself with this man in the long run. He is so not what I am looking for long term but I am physically attracted to him. Part of me wants to have sex with him. It has been a year and I don't let men in that close to me to sleep with me. I think I have some kind of problem with this. I love sex and lots of it but I have a hard time getting over the hump to have sex the first time with a man. Many women have sex right away. I used to do that when I was younger. I wish I could be that free again. He asked me to take a risk and see where it goes. I remember another guy that I dated said the same thing except he asked me to take a leap of faith.
Basically what all of this means is he is wanting to sleep with me and get to know me and maybe get in a relationship. At any time, either one of us could call it off. No strings attached. I am torn as to what I should do. I go back and forth about it. Part of me thinks he just wants to sleep with me until he finds someone new. I guess I would be doing the same as well. Logically, I know that he is not the one for me. But I do want to have some fun, though. I am not sure where we stand at this point. He was kind of nasty to me last night because of the conversation that I had with him. I am going to pull away and see what happens. It is hard to tell if he is just agitated from no smoking or if he is really like this. I know he is having a hard time. Us talking about the details of it all has messed up the fun part of sex for me. I don't like to think about when it will happen. It just happens.
I am weighing all of this carefully. What should I do? All thoughts are appreciated.
I asked him why he wanted to meet me now rather than 2 weeks. He said that he wanted to make up his mind about what he wanted to do. I asked him for his thoughts about all of this. He said that he wants to date me regularly and sleep with me regularly but he does not want to call it a serious relationship right away. He said that we can evaluate it at a later time. I told him I was relieved because I was not ready to get in a relationship so fast with him. I asked him if we should see other people. He said do you want to see other people? I said yes, I already have a date scheduled for this Friday. He backed up for a minute and said, "What?" I told him that I was going to see Austin. This freaked him out. He said that he wanted to sleep with me before Friday so that he could feel secure about my date. I asked him why. He said that if he sleeps with me then I won't sleep with Austin. I told him that after Saturday I thought that we were done. I said that I was surprised to hear from him. We ended our lunch. He kissed me bye.
We spoke again later in the evening. I had more questions for him about what he is wanting to do. Our conversation got heated and I am sure that I pissed him off. I was trying to push his buttons to see what he would expose to me. I am just trying to find out if this is a one time deal or a "regular" deal. If I sleep with someone, I want it to be more than once. First of all, I do not see myself with this man in the long run. He is so not what I am looking for long term but I am physically attracted to him. Part of me wants to have sex with him. It has been a year and I don't let men in that close to me to sleep with me. I think I have some kind of problem with this. I love sex and lots of it but I have a hard time getting over the hump to have sex the first time with a man. Many women have sex right away. I used to do that when I was younger. I wish I could be that free again. He asked me to take a risk and see where it goes. I remember another guy that I dated said the same thing except he asked me to take a leap of faith.
Basically what all of this means is he is wanting to sleep with me and get to know me and maybe get in a relationship. At any time, either one of us could call it off. No strings attached. I am torn as to what I should do. I go back and forth about it. Part of me thinks he just wants to sleep with me until he finds someone new. I guess I would be doing the same as well. Logically, I know that he is not the one for me. But I do want to have some fun, though. I am not sure where we stand at this point. He was kind of nasty to me last night because of the conversation that I had with him. I am going to pull away and see what happens. It is hard to tell if he is just agitated from no smoking or if he is really like this. I know he is having a hard time. Us talking about the details of it all has messed up the fun part of sex for me. I don't like to think about when it will happen. It just happens.
I am weighing all of this carefully. What should I do? All thoughts are appreciated.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
The Bitch is Back
The bitch is back and I am pissed off! This afternoon I heard from Phillipe because we were planning to get together this evening for the 2nd date. He tells me that he did not think it was a good idea for us to get together tonight for 2 reasons. One is that he went way over his budget on our date and did not have anymore money to spend tonight. I think he spent around $200 + last night. I was concerned that he spent too much last night but he kept ordering the food, alcohol, and appetizers. He said he was way out of control and he thinks he drank too much and at times did not know he was spending it. The second reason is because he felt a sexual attraction to me and that it was dangerous for him. I was totally baffled by this. He said that since we have been talking, he felt an emotional connection but then it was not present when we met. He said that he felt a strong sexual attraction to me all night instead. Phillipe told me that he was confused and needed some time to think about it. He said that in the past, he has slept with girls and just walked away and he did not want to do that to me. He told me he respected me way too much to hurt me. He said that when we met, he did not feel intimidated and shy like he did on the phone, that I was not as dominant in person???? He also felt like alcohol may have contributed to his intense animal behavior. He said he did not like the way he reacted to me. He thought he was saying and doing anything to get me to bed and he did not like that. I told him that I was also at fault because I was interested in making out with him so I too contributed to the sexual desire of the evening. He said he needed some time to think about it. We agreed that we would still talk and then meet up in 2 weeks without alcohol to see if there is a connection. If I weigh it all carefully, Phillipe does not have everything that I want. I was willing to overlook the fact that he has 3 very young kids and that he is weak financially. I really do like the way we communicate though, very open and brutally honest. I don't know if we will reconnect for another date. Only time will tell.
I am disappointed with all of this. I look back and yes I made major mistakes. I opened up too easily and revealed way too much of myself. I also NEVER SHOULD HAVE KISSED HIM ON THE FIRST DATE. I am now officially making a new rule for me and first dates, No kissing on the first date, period. I also will not be discussing sex at all before or anytime during the first date. AND I will not be doing any heavy petting on the first date. I showed way too much nice girl. I was too pathetic with my sweetness. I am tired of being real. Men may say they want real but it never works. The only thing that works is to be mysterious and a bitch...on to the next date.
I am disappointed with all of this. I look back and yes I made major mistakes. I opened up too easily and revealed way too much of myself. I also NEVER SHOULD HAVE KISSED HIM ON THE FIRST DATE. I am now officially making a new rule for me and first dates, No kissing on the first date, period. I also will not be discussing sex at all before or anytime during the first date. AND I will not be doing any heavy petting on the first date. I showed way too much nice girl. I was too pathetic with my sweetness. I am tired of being real. Men may say they want real but it never works. The only thing that works is to be mysterious and a bitch...on to the next date.
The Date with the French Man
I just got home from a fabulous date. We were both nervous to meet each other. I arrived on time and he was already upstairs at the bar waiting for me. He wore a button up shirt with a tie. Very handsome. I love his face, he has a million dollar smile along with beautiful brown puppy dog eyes and long eyelashes. His body is rockin' as well :) We had dinner at a French restaurant on top of the roof while listening to live jazz. The air outside was perfect. Everything I ate, I had never had before (escargot, baked salmon). It was so delicious. He said that he loved the place and that it reminded him of home. He ordered a bottle of wine from France. Every time my glass was empty, he would pour it for me. I love being taken care of like that. It was neat seeing him so excited about the wine and food. He is a wine connoisseur. I was so impressed with his knowledge about wine. When we received our dinner, I asked him if he wanted to try some of my food. He said sure and then he got some of his food and fed me. I did the same in return. What a turn on.
We left the restaurant and walked down the street to a bar. He sat next to me in the booth and we drank exotic beers all night. I was rolling on a good buzz. He was smooth and snuck the kiss in while we were in the booth. His lips are big like mine so they fit well together. We kissed many short, sweet kisses while in the bar. All night long he gave me great eye contact. He consistently stared into my eyes. It was nice. Many beers later, he asked some deeper questions. At this point, my eyes started welling up with tears and they streamed down my face. How embarrassing! LOL He was awesome about it though. He grabbed my hand, kissed it, and faced his body with mine and nurtured my emotions. I asked the waitress to take our photo. He later asked if I could send the photos to him.
We left the bar and walked down the street and briefly checkout out the beautiful park. Then we went to my car and I drove us back to where he was parked. We stayed in my car for the next 3 hours making out! I love to kiss and he is an exceptional kisser. I did go further sexually than I normally do on a first date. He was very intense with me. I could feel his desire. I did get turned off when he asked me to give him oral sex. I could not believe he asked me to do that so fast. I told him that it was not the right time. We talked about our date for Saturday night and where we would like to go. He told me that it does not matter to him because he just wants to spend time with me. Phillipe and I have great chemistry. I think we get each other. It was very apparent when we would give each other a look and know that the other was thinking the same exact thing. Then we would bust out laughing. This will be interesting.
I am the type of person that has a real hard time having sex so quickly with a man. Sometimes I hate the fact that I struggle with it. After all, I am a 30s woman with a big sexual appetite. Part of me likes that I cannot have sex with a man until an emotional connection is established. Another part of me wants to be able to be free to have sex without feeling anything. So many women go way too fast sexually with a man which makes it very difficult for those of us that go slower. I can tell that with each man I date, the expectations are higher. Phillipe did tell me that he would wait for me to have sex. After tonight, I now know that he is highly charged sexually. I am too. I just hope he can be patient for me.
Right now I have this crazy insecure feeling. It all stems from a fear of abandonment and a fear of rejection. This happens sometimes when I have a really great date. I get fearful that I will never hear from them again. If you look at my history, that has never been the case but the fear still lingers...
We left the restaurant and walked down the street to a bar. He sat next to me in the booth and we drank exotic beers all night. I was rolling on a good buzz. He was smooth and snuck the kiss in while we were in the booth. His lips are big like mine so they fit well together. We kissed many short, sweet kisses while in the bar. All night long he gave me great eye contact. He consistently stared into my eyes. It was nice. Many beers later, he asked some deeper questions. At this point, my eyes started welling up with tears and they streamed down my face. How embarrassing! LOL He was awesome about it though. He grabbed my hand, kissed it, and faced his body with mine and nurtured my emotions. I asked the waitress to take our photo. He later asked if I could send the photos to him.
We left the bar and walked down the street and briefly checkout out the beautiful park. Then we went to my car and I drove us back to where he was parked. We stayed in my car for the next 3 hours making out! I love to kiss and he is an exceptional kisser. I did go further sexually than I normally do on a first date. He was very intense with me. I could feel his desire. I did get turned off when he asked me to give him oral sex. I could not believe he asked me to do that so fast. I told him that it was not the right time. We talked about our date for Saturday night and where we would like to go. He told me that it does not matter to him because he just wants to spend time with me. Phillipe and I have great chemistry. I think we get each other. It was very apparent when we would give each other a look and know that the other was thinking the same exact thing. Then we would bust out laughing. This will be interesting.
I am the type of person that has a real hard time having sex so quickly with a man. Sometimes I hate the fact that I struggle with it. After all, I am a 30s woman with a big sexual appetite. Part of me likes that I cannot have sex with a man until an emotional connection is established. Another part of me wants to be able to be free to have sex without feeling anything. So many women go way too fast sexually with a man which makes it very difficult for those of us that go slower. I can tell that with each man I date, the expectations are higher. Phillipe did tell me that he would wait for me to have sex. After tonight, I now know that he is highly charged sexually. I am too. I just hope he can be patient for me.
Right now I have this crazy insecure feeling. It all stems from a fear of abandonment and a fear of rejection. This happens sometimes when I have a really great date. I get fearful that I will never hear from them again. If you look at my history, that has never been the case but the fear still lingers...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
911 Dating Emergency
Unfreakinbelievable!!!! Tomorrow night I will meet Phillipe for the first time. I am very much looking forward to meeting him. We have potential for more. I really like him and he has been expressing to me how much he likes me. Phillipe recently told me that he wants us to only see each other. He said he as a hard time with the idea of me seeing other men. I told him to slow it down and let's see how it goes. Take it step by step. I went into a bit of a panic yesterday trying to imagine myself with someone and committed. Quite frankly, it scares the crap out of me.
Tonight, the unthinkable happened. The text message that I hoped to receive again one day happened and I nearly threw up, passed out, and went into a seizure when I received it....AUSTIN ASKED ME OUT FOR TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!! His text message said, "Any plans for tomorrow evening?" "Let's have a glass of wine and catch up". OMG. Tears came to my eyes immediately. I was so pissed at the same time. All this time and I hear nothing from him about seeing each other this last year. We went out for 3 months this time last year. This is the one guy that I so badly want to see and kiss again. I am about to go meet a really nice (and hot) guy that I like and Austin wants to ask me out on the same day that I am about to go on a date with Phillipe? Is this crazy or what? I had to calm down and think about it for an hour before I responded back. For one thing, this will keep me from agreeing to an exclusive relationship with Phillipe for a little while. The one issue that I have with seeing Austin again is that I have gained one clothing size since I last saw him. I am not ready to see him right now. I told myself that if he contacted me then I would see him. Austin and I went out this time last year. I bet he has thought about us a lot. Dating him was so amazingly sexy, hot, and passionate. I have not quit thinking about him since last year. We ended up exchanging a few text messages. I told Austin that I have plans for Friday so I asked him about next week. We tentatively scheduled for next Friday. This will give me one week to lose a few pounds. I wish I could twinkle my chin and walla! 15 pounds lighter!
I am in shock. I cannot believe this happened. I am now really confused about all of this.
Tonight, the unthinkable happened. The text message that I hoped to receive again one day happened and I nearly threw up, passed out, and went into a seizure when I received it....AUSTIN ASKED ME OUT FOR TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!! His text message said, "Any plans for tomorrow evening?" "Let's have a glass of wine and catch up". OMG. Tears came to my eyes immediately. I was so pissed at the same time. All this time and I hear nothing from him about seeing each other this last year. We went out for 3 months this time last year. This is the one guy that I so badly want to see and kiss again. I am about to go meet a really nice (and hot) guy that I like and Austin wants to ask me out on the same day that I am about to go on a date with Phillipe? Is this crazy or what? I had to calm down and think about it for an hour before I responded back. For one thing, this will keep me from agreeing to an exclusive relationship with Phillipe for a little while. The one issue that I have with seeing Austin again is that I have gained one clothing size since I last saw him. I am not ready to see him right now. I told myself that if he contacted me then I would see him. Austin and I went out this time last year. I bet he has thought about us a lot. Dating him was so amazingly sexy, hot, and passionate. I have not quit thinking about him since last year. We ended up exchanging a few text messages. I told Austin that I have plans for Friday so I asked him about next week. We tentatively scheduled for next Friday. This will give me one week to lose a few pounds. I wish I could twinkle my chin and walla! 15 pounds lighter!
I am in shock. I cannot believe this happened. I am now really confused about all of this.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Ooh La La
I am talking to a French man. His name is Phillipe, smoking hot, mid 30s, 3 kids, business owner, from Paris and the Caribbean. We have been communicating through text, IM, and phone for 1 week today. He calls me every day and we talk for hours in the evening and sometimes into the morning. He has been investing a lot of time in me. He is such a gentleman...so romantic. We have a date this Friday and are excited to meet each other. He has already scheduled the 2nd date for Saturday!
He is very much like me in that we are both analyzers but with heart. We are deep thinkers and feelers. I was amazed at his level of wisdom and emotion. It is very rare. I think he gets me in many areas so I am curious to see how we are in person.
He told me that I touch a very sensitive part of him and he likes it. Phillipe scored major points when he took the many photos that I shared with him and put them in a collage and sent it to me. It was really thoughtful. I have noticed that men from online dating don't do the sweet little things that men have always done to win a woman's heart. It has been disappointing.
This looks promising but I don't want to get ahead of myself.
He is very much like me in that we are both analyzers but with heart. We are deep thinkers and feelers. I was amazed at his level of wisdom and emotion. It is very rare. I think he gets me in many areas so I am curious to see how we are in person.
He told me that I touch a very sensitive part of him and he likes it. Phillipe scored major points when he took the many photos that I shared with him and put them in a collage and sent it to me. It was really thoughtful. I have noticed that men from online dating don't do the sweet little things that men have always done to win a woman's heart. It has been disappointing.
This looks promising but I don't want to get ahead of myself.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Max the Pervert
Alright that's it. Max is officially a pervert. Today he sent me a text at 8:11am asking me if I want him to send me a picture of his penis. Enough is enough. I hope my lack of response will make him feel like a schmuck.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Lenny is a Wimp
I don't think Lenny is the man for me. We have been chatting through IM and texting. I have given him my phone number and he has yet to call. He said he wants to talk via phone but I believe he is afraid to so he keeps hiding behind text and email. He sends me a text just to see if I can talk for the night and then we never do. What a turn off! Get some balls and call me even if that means you get my voice mail. At first it appears sweet like he is being respectful of my time but then it starts to smell like fear.
Dating Tip for Men - Don't hide behind text and email. You will look like a wimp. Be confident and bold and make the call.
Dating Tip for Women - If he does not have the courage to call you but instead sends instant messages and text, move on to the next guy. This is a clear sign that he is probably like this in other areas of this life.
Dating Tip for Men - Don't hide behind text and email. You will look like a wimp. Be confident and bold and make the call.
Dating Tip for Women - If he does not have the courage to call you but instead sends instant messages and text, move on to the next guy. This is a clear sign that he is probably like this in other areas of this life.
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