The Bitch is Back

The bitch is back and I am pissed off! This afternoon I heard from Phillipe because we were planning to get together this evening for the 2nd date. He tells me that he did not think it was a good idea for us to get together tonight for 2 reasons. One is that he went way over his budget on our date and did not have anymore money to spend tonight. I think he spent around $200 + last night. I was concerned that he spent too much last night but he kept ordering the food, alcohol, and appetizers. He said he was way out of control and he thinks he drank too much and at times did not know he was spending it. The second reason is because he felt a sexual attraction to me and that it was dangerous for him. I was totally baffled by this. He said that since we have been talking, he felt an emotional connection but then it was not present when we met. He said that he felt a strong sexual attraction to me all night instead. Phillipe told me that he was confused and needed some time to think about it. He said that in the past, he has slept with girls and just walked away and he did not want to do that to me. He told me he respected me way too much to hurt me. He said that when we met, he did not feel intimidated and shy like he did on the phone, that I was not as dominant in person???? He also felt like alcohol may have contributed to his intense animal behavior. He said he did not like the way he reacted to me. He thought he was saying and doing anything to get me to bed and he did not like that. I told him that I was also at fault because I was interested in making out with him so I too contributed to the sexual desire of the evening. He said he needed some time to think about it. We agreed that we would still talk and then meet up in 2 weeks without alcohol to see if there is a connection. If I weigh it all carefully, Phillipe does not have everything that I want. I was willing to overlook the fact that he has 3 very young kids and that he is weak financially. I really do like the way we communicate though, very open and brutally honest. I don't know if we will reconnect for another date. Only time will tell.

I am disappointed with all of this. I look back and yes I made major mistakes. I opened up too easily and revealed way too much of myself. I also NEVER SHOULD HAVE KISSED HIM ON THE FIRST DATE. I am now officially making a new rule for me and first dates, No kissing on the first date, period. I also will not be discussing sex at all before or anytime during the first date. AND I will not be doing any heavy petting on the first date. I showed way too much nice girl. I was too pathetic with my sweetness. I am tired of being real. Men may say they want real but it never works. The only thing that works is to be mysterious and a bitch...on to the next date.