Equal Opportunity Dater

I am an EOD...Equal Opportunity Dater. What this means is that even if you do not fit my physical traits that I desire in a man and you are a nice guy with a good personality, charm, and a stable job, then I might go on a date with you. I have male friends in my life that I know well. Normally, I would not think they are physically attractive but their hearts and everything about them make me attracted to them. So I know it is possible to get beyond the looks and fall for someone's heart. This does not mean that I am open to dating any man. I need to be a little bit physically attracted from looking at their photo or I won't go there. If I don't feel it on the first date, I will even go on dates #2, #3, or #4 to see if the attraction develops. I would have to be totally repulsed not to go on a 2nd date.

This leads me to my next potential...His name is Lenny. He is upper 30s, good stable sales job, 1 daughter, musician, and an all around good, polite, gentleman. I LOVE NICE GUYS. We have only been chatting through IM so far. The phone is next. He is very attentive. I love that.

I am not attracted to him physically except for his eyes and lips. He has one of the chunkiest faces that I have ever seen! This bothers me but I want to get to know him to see if there is a connection. So far, he has done everything right. He mentioned going on a date so I suspect that we will meet soon.

Dating Tip For Men and Women - You never know what prince or princess could be underneath an outer exterior. Try and date people outside of your typical standard of physical looks and see if an attraction develops. Don't limit yourself to one standard.

Back from the Cave

Today, Matt IM'd me again. He greeted me with, "Hey sexy ass". He is loving his new job. Overall he was fun and playful. John Gray from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is so right. Men are like rubber bands. They pull away and go in their cave. If you leave them alone, when they come out, they will spring back to you. When they come out, they act as if time never passed. Interesting...

What Relief

I am so happy that I contacted Austin. It was the best decision. I believe I lived in fear about contacting him again afraid that he may not speak to me. I have dated so much since him and have dealt with the rejection so it made it easier for me to take the risk. I don't know what I was thinking. Sometimes that fear runs my life. I am so relieved that we spoke. I do miss him a bunch. I have yet to reply to his last email. I need to do that soon because he asked me some questions. Over the last few days I have realized more and more that it is worth the shot. You only live once and if you don't take the risk, you'll never know. I know people that live their life so afraid of rejection that they never take a risk on love.

I Contacted Austin!

Today, I got up the nerve to contact Austin. I sent him an email. It was relaxed, short, and sweet. I just told him that I wanted to check in and say hello and see how he is doing. I did not mention anything about getting together. After I sent it, I had a fear that he may not respond but then I told myself that I have nothing to lose because we are already not talking anyway. I clicked the sent button, took a deep breath, and let it go. SEVEN MINUTES LATER HE REPLIED! Tears started flowing from my eyes as soon as I read the way he wrote the intro. He wrote "Hey! I was just thinking about you the other day!" No wonder I had this overwhelming urge to contact him. We both have been thinking about each other! He said he could not believe it has been a year. The tone of his email was happy and excited to hear from me. He wanted to know what was going on in my world so I sent another reply and gave him some of the highlights. I tried to keep it as brief as possible. I also wanted to sound interesting. I once again did not mention anything about getting together. He replied again within thirty minutes with a much longer email than what I had sent. He said that his job is going well. He said he was proud of what I have been doing. He told me that he is happy that we are back in touch and mentioned checking our calendars and getting together at a lounge. I would love to see him but I am not ready yet. I will contact him when I am. I want him to kiss me again...I have never been kissed like that before.


On another note, I heard from Matt today. He instant messaged me and said that he got a job and starts tomorrow. He has been out of work for the last few months so I am happy for him. It is funny to me how 2 weeks can go by and then this guy you were seeing all of a sudden contacts you as if you just spoke to him yesterday. It has been 2 weeks since I have heard from him. 2 weeks to a man is like 1 day. 1 day to a woman is like 1 year.

Dating Tip for Women - As long as you did not repeatedly display psycho behavior to a man that you dated for at least a month, it is okay to contact him to say hello. Allow for plenty of time (3 or more months) to pass before you contact him. More than likely he will respond back and be thrilled to hear from you. You have nothing to lose because you are not communicating anyway.

Should I Contact Him Now? That is the Question.

Austin has been on my mind a lot lately. We were dating this time last year for 3 months. I have this overwhelming urge to contact him by email just to say hello and see how he is. We have not spoken since February of this year. Austin is a different kind of man. He pursued in the sense of when we were in person and on the date but in between the dates, he asked me to contact him. Every once in awhile, if he did not hear from me, he would call. I have never had this happen before. Usually the man contacts me every time. With the exception of Austin, men never ask me to call. They like to stay in control.

Austin and I had the most passion for each other. I felt very safe with him and he took really good care of me. I don't think anyone has ever treated me better. He paid attention to all of my details. If he noticed that my feet were hurting, he would just start rubbing them. If my wine glass was empty, he would fill it up. He enjoyed serving me. I never had to say a word. He has really great taste and we have the same interests so I always had the best time with him. It is hard to explain what happened between us but all I can figure out is that he got scared and ran. I can tell that Austin has commitment issues. I think this is completely related to his father walking out on the family and never coming back when he was a young boy. I never did ask for a commitment but it is possible that my actions and body language told him otherwise.

I did move on in the dating world since Austin but honestly, I have been in a funk all year. I have gone up a clothing size and quit taking care of myself like I was doing. I do plan to contact him again to try and see him, but I want to be looking and feeling my best when I do.

I might go ahead and just email him to check in. His status on Myspace showed that he is sad so I am curious to see if he is okay.

Pursue Me Not

Christian and I exchanged many text messages yesterday and today. I told him one of the key components to what attracts me to a man is his desire for me. Christian said that he could not be a typical pursuer because of his unpredictable work schedule. I feel that is a bunch of bull. It appears to me that Christian does not want to put much effort into the pursuit. He thinks that his 3 dates BACK IN DECEMBER 2007 should be enough and if that did not attract me then it won't work. He wants to be in a relationship and I don't know if I am ready for that with him because I did not have enough time with him during the 3 dates to know whether I want to be with him. I am so confused by this guy. I have always told myself that if a man really wants to be with me, then he will come after me no matter what. Whatever happened to the man fighting for you?

DATING TIP FOR WOMEN - If a man really wants to be with you, he will overcome any obstacle within his ability to do so.

Could He Be the One?

Hmmm. I have been thinking about Christian a lot lately. Since he contacted me a month ago, I have wondered if he is the one. We went out last year and I was not ready to commit to him after 3 dates so it fizzled out. I also have not seen him since December. He stands out compared to the other men that I have dated this last year. He is a gentlemen and shows me respect. I do like his heart but I need more time for the attraction to grow. I have not heard from him in a couple of weeks so I sent him a text message letting him know that I was thinking about him. Want I want from Christian is for him to pursue me and date me so that I can know him better. Basically, I want to be swept off my feet. He just now sent me a text message back saying that he does not know what to do because he feels like he is the only one interested. He says that he wants to know that my interest in him is something more than casual. He wants me to drop the wall and take a leap of faith. He says that he thinks about me all the time but that he cannot place the interest and willingness in my heart. Gosh he is sweet.

DATING TIP FOR MEN - If you are interested in a woman, pursue her heart. When I say pursue, do it at a gentle, regular pace. Don't be psycho scary about it. If she allows you to pursue her then continue to do it to win her over. Men do not realize how much his pursuit will turn a woman on. There is something prince charming about it.


DATING TIP FOR WOMEN - As a general rule, do not pursue a man. Let him come after you. His actions of pursuit will prove his desire for you. If you have not heard from a man that you dated more than 3 times in awhile, it is ok to ONE TIME send him a text or very brief email to say hello. Nothing more than that. You may not hear from him right away so don't panic. He may respond the next day, a few days later, or nothing at all. Be prepared for that.

Comfortably Numb

Since I started dating again over a year ago, I have rejected people and I have been rejected. I have found that neither one is easier than the other. The more you experience it, the more you become numb to it and move on. Rejection has never been easy for me because I am such a sensitive woman and I am sensitive to how others feel. I definitely appreciate the amount of dating practice that I have had to learn to deal with this. When I was a young adult, it would take me a long time to get over rejection. Sometimes a year or two. It would hit me so hard that I would fall off into a deep depression. Today it is so much easier. I may be distraught for a day or two and then move on. Distraught may be too strong of a word.

DATING TIP FOR MEN AND WOMEN - In order to get over the fear of rejection, you will have to face it. The more you deal with it, the easier it is to get past it. Don't let the fear of rejection keep you from finding love. When you find your true love, it will be worth every bit of rejection that you ever had to face. As they say, practice makes perfect.

Max Needs to Plan

Max texted me tonight and a couple of times this week to get together. Each time I was too busy to meet with him. I am irritated by his lack of respect to think that I would get with him at the last minute. I think that by me telling him no all week that he will get the hint that he needs to make a plan with me in order to see me. For now, I want to keep him around just in case if I want to have some fun. He is definitely someone that I would never be with long term. Only for entertainment purposes and to pass the time.

DATING TIP FOR MEN - Women really appreciate it when you care about their TIME. Always make a plan with a lady. Give her at least 3-4 days notice. I get turned on if a man gives me a weeks notice. It shows me that he is confident, not afraid to commit, and that he respects me.

No More Desperate Housewives Fantasies

Guess what? The handyman has not knocked on my door in a week!!! I am so happy. I think that raising my voice in front of the other handyman did the trick. I feel so relieved. I was living in so much fear because he was so persistent trying to get me to sleep with him. I learned a huge lesson..no more Desperate Housewives fantasies.

Max's True Colors

Max IM'd me tonight. The first thing he wrote was, "hey naughty girl". I don't like this side of him. He was so polite and a gentleman before I went on a first date with him months ago. Then I screwed up and did the ultimate no-no of going to his house on the first date. Honestly, I was in the mood that night so I am sure he thinks I am easy. Now the only conversation he has with me is in a sexual tone. He also sent me a photo of his erect penis and talked about how he wanted to meet me this week at my house during lunch. The thought repulsed me. I had fun with him a long time ago but if this is the only side that I will see of him now then forget it!

Rubbers Anyone?

Tonight I hit the town with my girlfriend for a little dinner, drinks, and dancing. It is hard to find clubs/bars for the 30s and up crowd but we found a great place with a cool vibe. I used to be a regular club girl when I was 18-21 but have since slowed down a lot.

We had a delicious meal with some beers at a Mexican restaurant. Then we walked over to the club. I loved the set up. They had a bar that lit up and a live band playing. The band played music that only a 30s and up crowd would recognize. I felt completely comfortable like I fit in with the crowd. I have been to some bars lately where I seemed out of place with a much younger group.

I love to people watch. I witnessed a bunch of scantily dressed cougar women crawling all over the younger guys. I told my friend to please hit me if I ever dress like that at that age! I observed the men and women hooking up for the night and it hit me just how easy it is to have sex. The thought of all of the people having unprotected sex with many different people repulsed me because you don't know where they have been. I said that I should be the condom girl and walk around the club with a basket of condoms on my head and pass them out. Maybe even stand at the front door when the lights come on and give them away and say,"No glove, no love". Booty Call

The Booty Call

I heard from Matt. He called from a bar after a late night out with his friends at 11:45pm! I answered the phone and he said, "Hey sweetie, hey sexy, What are you doing?" I told him I was about to go to bed. He asked, "Why don't you come over in your pajamas and snuggle with me?" I told him no, that it was late and that he was booty calling me at the last minute. We both laughed. He tried to persuade me by offering a back rub, bath with bubbles and candles, etc. The back rub sounded yummy but it really was late and I had to get up early. I could hear his friends giving him a hard time in the background about calling me "sweetie". He has called me before while out with his friends. I find it funny and a little cute.

Matt and I have not had sex. We are both the type that likes to wait. How long? I don't know. I personally don't like to go too far too fast. I screw up and go too fast at times but for the most part I keep it to just making out. To give you an idea, I have had sex one time in the last year and have been on tons of dates. I sometimes wish that I could not have a conscience about it and just do it whenever I want to. I am emotionally connected to sex so I have to get to know someone before I can do it. I get really grossed out when I hear of men sleeping around a lot. I respect a man a lot more when he waits to get to know someone well before having sex. I am not sure what the future holds with Matt and I. Right now we are just having a little fun and I like it that way. I am getting to know him without all of the pressure of a commitment.

Matt Did Not Call Me Today

Matt told me that he would call me today and I did not hear from him. This hurts a bit because I was just vulnerable with him. He did call me yesterday and said he would call today. Oh great hear we go! Analysis! Why is it that I analyze men when I really start to like them? When I am not as in to them it does not make a difference to me. I am sure the main reason why I have had so many men from my past contact me again lately is because I started to put myself first and focus on me for a change. I think they sensed it. I have always been the side dish and I was finally making me the main course. Now that I messed around with Matt, I feel myself paying a bit more attention to him. I know the rules. I have read all the books. I can't stand the fact that this is my natural reaction. I sometimes wish that I could not have such a conscience after being physical with a man. I wish I could just walk away and not even think about it. I have this fear of rejection and abandonment that is driving the way I think right now. It is so hard to break. I have been going through all of the reasons why he did not call me today...Is he not attracted to me anymore? Am I just a girl that is for fun and not to be serious with? Is he not attracted to my body? I need to snap out of it. I know the thing to do is to focus on me and my goals. I need to have the attitude that he if calls great and if he does not great. But gosh, that will really piss me off if I do not hear from him again. I told him that I don't have sex or mess around with just any guy. He agreed that we would be a regular thing.

The Blushing Handyman

I bumped into the handyman on the way to Matt's house. He knocked on my car window which scared the crap out of me. Another handyman was near us within ear shot. He said, "Hey how about going to a bar with me on Friday night?" I told him no way, you are married. I said it loud enough to where the other handyman could hear me. Then I lied to him and told him that I am seeing someone and it is serious. I said that my boyfriend would not like me going to a bar with a MARRIED MAN. I raised my voice even higher and the other handyman got near us. He started blushing. I think I embarrassed him. I don't think he will bother me again. I hope this is resolved because I do not want to have to report this.

Morning Delight

I was in Matt's area for an appointment so we planned on me stopping by for a visit this morning. We laid on his bed and cuddled. He turned on some "love music" on a satellite channel. It was sweet. Let's just say we had a little fun. I felt confident being physically intimate. I have not let many men get that physically close to me in the last 11 years. I reminded him last night that I am looking for something more regular. He told me that he liked me and wanted to see where this might lead. A little while after I left his house, I started to feel fear like he would never call me again just like Austin did. This is ridiculous considering he just told me that he would call tonight. He did call me. I felt so relieved. I am curious to see what will happen with us.