No More Desperate Housewives Fantasies

Guess what? The handyman has not knocked on my door in a week!!! I am so happy. I think that raising my voice in front of the other handyman did the trick. I feel so relieved. I was living in so much fear because he was so persistent trying to get me to sleep with him. I learned a huge lesson..no more Desperate Housewives fantasies.

Max's True Colors

Max IM'd me tonight. The first thing he wrote was, "hey naughty girl". I don't like this side of him. He was so polite and a gentleman before I went on a first date with him months ago. Then I screwed up and did the ultimate no-no of going to his house on the first date. Honestly, I was in the mood that night so I am sure he thinks I am easy. Now the only conversation he has with me is in a sexual tone. He also sent me a photo of his erect penis and talked about how he wanted to meet me this week at my house during lunch. The thought repulsed me. I had fun with him a long time ago but if this is the only side that I will see of him now then forget it!

Rubbers Anyone?

Tonight I hit the town with my girlfriend for a little dinner, drinks, and dancing. It is hard to find clubs/bars for the 30s and up crowd but we found a great place with a cool vibe. I used to be a regular club girl when I was 18-21 but have since slowed down a lot.

We had a delicious meal with some beers at a Mexican restaurant. Then we walked over to the club. I loved the set up. They had a bar that lit up and a live band playing. The band played music that only a 30s and up crowd would recognize. I felt completely comfortable like I fit in with the crowd. I have been to some bars lately where I seemed out of place with a much younger group.

I love to people watch. I witnessed a bunch of scantily dressed cougar women crawling all over the younger guys. I told my friend to please hit me if I ever dress like that at that age! I observed the men and women hooking up for the night and it hit me just how easy it is to have sex. The thought of all of the people having unprotected sex with many different people repulsed me because you don't know where they have been. I said that I should be the condom girl and walk around the club with a basket of condoms on my head and pass them out. Maybe even stand at the front door when the lights come on and give them away and say,"No glove, no love". Booty Call

The Booty Call

I heard from Matt. He called from a bar after a late night out with his friends at 11:45pm! I answered the phone and he said, "Hey sweetie, hey sexy, What are you doing?" I told him I was about to go to bed. He asked, "Why don't you come over in your pajamas and snuggle with me?" I told him no, that it was late and that he was booty calling me at the last minute. We both laughed. He tried to persuade me by offering a back rub, bath with bubbles and candles, etc. The back rub sounded yummy but it really was late and I had to get up early. I could hear his friends giving him a hard time in the background about calling me "sweetie". He has called me before while out with his friends. I find it funny and a little cute.

Matt and I have not had sex. We are both the type that likes to wait. How long? I don't know. I personally don't like to go too far too fast. I screw up and go too fast at times but for the most part I keep it to just making out. To give you an idea, I have had sex one time in the last year and have been on tons of dates. I sometimes wish that I could not have a conscience about it and just do it whenever I want to. I am emotionally connected to sex so I have to get to know someone before I can do it. I get really grossed out when I hear of men sleeping around a lot. I respect a man a lot more when he waits to get to know someone well before having sex. I am not sure what the future holds with Matt and I. Right now we are just having a little fun and I like it that way. I am getting to know him without all of the pressure of a commitment.

Matt Did Not Call Me Today

Matt told me that he would call me today and I did not hear from him. This hurts a bit because I was just vulnerable with him. He did call me yesterday and said he would call today. Oh great hear we go! Analysis! Why is it that I analyze men when I really start to like them? When I am not as in to them it does not make a difference to me. I am sure the main reason why I have had so many men from my past contact me again lately is because I started to put myself first and focus on me for a change. I think they sensed it. I have always been the side dish and I was finally making me the main course. Now that I messed around with Matt, I feel myself paying a bit more attention to him. I know the rules. I have read all the books. I can't stand the fact that this is my natural reaction. I sometimes wish that I could not have such a conscience after being physical with a man. I wish I could just walk away and not even think about it. I have this fear of rejection and abandonment that is driving the way I think right now. It is so hard to break. I have been going through all of the reasons why he did not call me today...Is he not attracted to me anymore? Am I just a girl that is for fun and not to be serious with? Is he not attracted to my body? I need to snap out of it. I know the thing to do is to focus on me and my goals. I need to have the attitude that he if calls great and if he does not great. But gosh, that will really piss me off if I do not hear from him again. I told him that I don't have sex or mess around with just any guy. He agreed that we would be a regular thing.

The Blushing Handyman

I bumped into the handyman on the way to Matt's house. He knocked on my car window which scared the crap out of me. Another handyman was near us within ear shot. He said, "Hey how about going to a bar with me on Friday night?" I told him no way, you are married. I said it loud enough to where the other handyman could hear me. Then I lied to him and told him that I am seeing someone and it is serious. I said that my boyfriend would not like me going to a bar with a MARRIED MAN. I raised my voice even higher and the other handyman got near us. He started blushing. I think I embarrassed him. I don't think he will bother me again. I hope this is resolved because I do not want to have to report this.

Morning Delight

I was in Matt's area for an appointment so we planned on me stopping by for a visit this morning. We laid on his bed and cuddled. He turned on some "love music" on a satellite channel. It was sweet. Let's just say we had a little fun. I felt confident being physically intimate. I have not let many men get that physically close to me in the last 11 years. I reminded him last night that I am looking for something more regular. He told me that he liked me and wanted to see where this might lead. A little while after I left his house, I started to feel fear like he would never call me again just like Austin did. This is ridiculous considering he just told me that he would call tonight. He did call me. I felt so relieved. I am curious to see what will happen with us.