Foot Fetish

Tonight I decided to log back into my online dating account. I had a few people email me while I was online. One in particular is 45, blonde hair, very attractive, and has a masters in Education. We emailed back and forth and had normal conversation. He then asked about my dating life and progressed to asking me if I am affectionate. I told him that I am affectionate. Then he asks me if my feet are cute and if I liked them played with!!! I was so shocked! The conversation was flowing in one direction and then he zeroes in on my feet! I asked him if he has a foot fetish. He said he does but not in a freaky way????!!!!!!! To each his own fetish but don't be asking me this stuff if I don't know you!!!! I emailed him back when he asked if I liked my feet played with and kissed and told him that I do not engage in this level of conversation with someone that I don't know. AAARRRGGG!

A Bowling Blast!

Lately, Rick has been finding reasons to talk to me. He will call, text, or email about something that would be easy for him to get the answer to. I think it is sweet. Tonight, I met up at a restaurant with Rick and some mutual friends. When I walked in, he came to me immediately and had me sit down with him. We went through some photos that I brought. We had some fun and flirty conversation. Later, we all went bowling. What a blast! He is a fantastic bowler! I talked a bunch of smack saying that I would beat everyone. I came in last place in the first game! Then I got better and came in 2nd for the last 2 games. He place 1st in all of the games. We had so much fun and bowled until after midnight. I think he purposely stayed around to be near me! Cute! I really think we could get serious. He is really into me.

He Called Me

Today I forwarded Rick an email that he needed to see and instead of responding by email, he called me. I think he used it as an excuse. We spoke for 2 hours and 45 minutes. We can relate to each other a lot. Our conversation ran deep. He is normally someone that goes to bed early so I was surprised to see him stay up this late!

Definite Connection

My feelings are confirmed. I saw him later today and he stopped me and said that he had so much fun talking to me and that he very much enjoyed it. Then he wanted to stay around me and we spoke for about 45 minutes after everyone else left. He gave me a hug later and said that my hair smelled nice. Later this evening, he sent me a text that thanked me for talking to him. He said that he is really enjoying getting to know who I am. Yay!

The Connection

Something crazy happened today. I have been totally focused on myself lately. I have not really paid much attention to men. Tonight, I felt a connection from a conversation with a man that I have known for a few years. His name is Rick. He is handsome and not really my usual type but he has a beautiful heart! A few months back, a lady told me that he had a crush on me. I told her to go and confirm it and the next day she told me that I was too intimidating for him. I was confused by it because she just said that he had a crush. I ignored it, pushed it aside and moved on. This brings me to today. When I have seen him lately, I pretend not to notice him unless he approaches me. Today he did approach me. All that we did was talk about a competition that my daughter is involved in and I left the conversation feeling warm fuzzies. It was like cupid shot me in the butt. I have thought about it ever since. It was definitely a connection.

Long Time No Post

Happy New Year! I have not posted since November. I took a little break. I have been real busy and focused on my goals. I have lost 6 more pounds since my last post. It really does come off slower as you get older! I have not been on many dates but I have talked to a few men. I met one man at the gym. Imagine that! Meeting a man at the gym...no makeup, sweaty, gym clothes! He is very cute but I am afraid our age difference is too much. We have been talking through email. I have dated much older men in the past but it did not work well so I probably will opt out of this one.

Austin pops in my mind all the time. I feel a sense of longing for him and it drives me crazy. My feelings for him intensify right around PMS so that may have something to do with it. I do want to see him again and can't wait until the day that I do. Something within me tells me that there is more to the story with him.

My Steamy Date with Austin

Last Friday was one of the most amazing days of my life. I wanted to see Austin so bad all year and the day finally came. I did not feel like I was ready to see him because I had not been taking care of myself but I went with it anyway and hoped for the best.

In order to explain the importance of this date, I need to give some background on Austin. He is upper 30's, people pleaser, beautiful brown eyes, highly intelligent, geeky, and commitment- phobic. We dated 3 months last year with no commitment. I was cool with that. It was the best time I have ever had dating. I built trust with Austin and eventually had sex with him. It had been many years since I had sex. The last time I saw Austin was the only time I ever slept with him. We had spent the night together at least 3 times but no intercourse. The night we slept together I planned it. Austin escorted me to an event. We were all dressed up. It was a wonderful evening. He came back to my place and we had great sex. I could not of imagined a more perfect night. Every detail was in place. The next morning, we had wake up sex and then he was off to work. He kissed me bye and emailed me that afternoon but he never called me again! I did not react to it. I pulled away from him and 1 1/2 months later, he contacted me by email and apologized. We exchanged a few emails in the beginning of 2008 but that was it. I was devastated by the rejection. I did not stop though, I kept on dating. I did go through a funk over it and put on some weight. All year I wondered why Austin never called. We dated for 3 months. It was not like we were on the first date. I went through every reason I could think of to try and figure it out. Now, I know why he never called.

Fast forward to the present. I was so nervous to see Austin. I spent lots of time grooming so I felt like a million bucks when I went to go meet him. He originally said that he wanted to meet somewhere near me but I told him I wanted to meet him near the city. He suggested a wine bar which is the place we went on our first date last year. I walked up to the wine bar where we were meeting and he was sitting at a table outside. It was a lovely evening. He got up to hug me and kissed me on the cheek. We sat down and talked for a long time before ordering our wine. We both tried different wine flights and he also ordered a cheese tray. What I love about Austin is that he takes care of me really well. He would cut the cheese and bread and hand it to me. He had my wine glasses perfectly lined up where I knew what I was drinking. I did not know if this was friendly or if this was a date so I kept my distance. We had a great time talking and laughing. Austin kept touching my arm so I knew this was more than friendly. He eventually held my hand.

Next we went to another bar with loud dance music and hookahs. The place is so sexy. We sat on a really nice round, high backed couch. The lights were dim. We ordered some drinks and smoked a hookah. He kissed me and wow. He told me he forgot how sensual my kisses are. I was so happy that I wondered if it was actually real. We teased each other a bit and kissed off and on. The conversation was really fun. I learned so much more about him. I felt like he opened up and trusted me more. Later, we talked about going back to his place. I was not sure if I was ready for that so I was still considering it. All year long I have wanted to have sex with him and here it is right in front of me! The last person I slept with was Austin. The night moved on and I was seriously buzzed from the dirty martinis. I did not eat much earlier so that had everything to do with it.

After we left, Austin drove us by a late night fast food place so that I could sober up before driving. He was so cute. The man really knows how to serve me and please me. He totally gets my sexuality as well. We have never had to talk about it. As we were driving back to my car I told him that I had an idea. I said that I was staying in a hotel up the road for an event and he could come up. I told him to wait in the car while I went in to check in. Then I would text him my room number. My room was on the top floor overlooking the city with floor to ceiling windows. It was one hot, sexy night. When we were laying on the bed, he tells me that he felt humiliated the last time that we were together. He said that it was not me, that he felt like he could not "perform" for me sexually what I deserved. Looking back now, I put way too much pressure on him sexually that night. I did not mean to. It was my first time after many years so I joked about getting it on all night. This created performance anxiety in him. I remember him telling me that there was something wrong and that he needed to see a doctor. I told him that it was completely normal. I believe now that this is why he never called me. He was humiliated because he had performance anxiety. He went through it again this time as well and he tried to cover it up. I was trying to comfort him and let him know it is completely normal. He ended up telling me that he wanted to hold me all night long. We did and it was wonderful. I love that.

The next morning we woke up and took a shower together. He washed my hair, conditioned it, soaped me, and dried me off. We had more sex after that. Then he left to catch a plane and I had to get ready. He called me 5 minutes after he left and said that he had a wonderful time. I honestly don't know if I will hear from him. I told him to text me when he gets back in town. I want to believe that he will call or contact me in some way because he has such a conscience. If he does not, my plan is to not let another year go by in silence, I will nudge him and pursue him gently and slowly. This man excites me and he motivates me to face my greatest fears. And to think that when I first met him that I told myself that he was too geeky and that I would never see him again. HA! At the very least, I want him in my life as a friend. We get along so well and I have such a blast. Time will only tell.

The Date with the French Man

I just got home from a fabulous date. We were both nervous to meet each other. I arrived on time and he was already upstairs at the bar waiting for me. He wore a button up shirt with a tie. Very handsome. I love his face, he has a million dollar smile along with beautiful brown puppy dog eyes and long eyelashes. His body is rockin' as well :) We had dinner at a French restaurant on top of the roof while listening to live jazz. The air outside was perfect. Everything I ate, I had never had before (escargot, baked salmon). It was so delicious. He said that he loved the place and that it reminded him of home. He ordered a bottle of wine from France. Every time my glass was empty, he would pour it for me. I love being taken care of like that. It was neat seeing him so excited about the wine and food. He is a wine connoisseur. I was so impressed with his knowledge about wine. When we received our dinner, I asked him if he wanted to try some of my food. He said sure and then he got some of his food and fed me. I did the same in return. What a turn on.

We left the restaurant and walked down the street to a bar. He sat next to me in the booth and we drank exotic beers all night. I was rolling on a good buzz. He was smooth and snuck the kiss in while we were in the booth. His lips are big like mine so they fit well together. We kissed many short, sweet kisses while in the bar. All night long he gave me great eye contact. He consistently stared into my eyes. It was nice. Many beers later, he asked some deeper questions. At this point, my eyes started welling up with tears and they streamed down my face. How embarrassing! LOL He was awesome about it though. He grabbed my hand, kissed it, and faced his body with mine and nurtured my emotions. I asked the waitress to take our photo. He later asked if I could send the photos to him.

We left the bar and walked down the street and briefly checkout out the beautiful park. Then we went to my car and I drove us back to where he was parked. We stayed in my car for the next 3 hours making out! I love to kiss and he is an exceptional kisser. I did go further sexually than I normally do on a first date. He was very intense with me. I could feel his desire. I did get turned off when he asked me to give him oral sex. I could not believe he asked me to do that so fast. I told him that it was not the right time. We talked about our date for Saturday night and where we would like to go. He told me that it does not matter to him because he just wants to spend time with me. Phillipe and I have great chemistry. I think we get each other. It was very apparent when we would give each other a look and know that the other was thinking the same exact thing. Then we would bust out laughing. This will be interesting.

I am the type of person that has a real hard time having sex so quickly with a man. Sometimes I hate the fact that I struggle with it. After all, I am a 30s woman with a big sexual appetite. Part of me likes that I cannot have sex with a man until an emotional connection is established. Another part of me wants to be able to be free to have sex without feeling anything. So many women go way too fast sexually with a man which makes it very difficult for those of us that go slower. I can tell that with each man I date, the expectations are higher. Phillipe did tell me that he would wait for me to have sex. After tonight, I now know that he is highly charged sexually. I am too. I just hope he can be patient for me.

Right now I have this crazy insecure feeling. It all stems from a fear of abandonment and a fear of rejection. This happens sometimes when I have a really great date. I get fearful that I will never hear from them again. If you look at my history, that has never been the case but the fear still lingers...

Ooh La La

I am talking to a French man. His name is Phillipe, smoking hot, mid 30s, 3 kids, business owner, from Paris and the Caribbean. We have been communicating through text, IM, and phone for 1 week today. He calls me every day and we talk for hours in the evening and sometimes into the morning. He has been investing a lot of time in me. He is such a gentleman...so romantic. We have a date this Friday and are excited to meet each other. He has already scheduled the 2nd date for Saturday!

He is very much like me in that we are both analyzers but with heart. We are deep thinkers and feelers. I was amazed at his level of wisdom and emotion. It is very rare. I think he gets me in many areas so I am curious to see how we are in person.

He told me that I touch a very sensitive part of him and he likes it. Phillipe scored major points when he took the many photos that I shared with him and put them in a collage and sent it to me. It was really thoughtful. I have noticed that men from online dating don't do the sweet little things that men have always done to win a woman's heart. It has been disappointing.

This looks promising but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

Max the Pervert

Alright that's it. Max is officially a pervert. Today he sent me a text at 8:11am asking me if I want him to send me a picture of his penis. Enough is enough. I hope my lack of response will make him feel like a schmuck.

Equal Opportunity Dater

I am an EOD...Equal Opportunity Dater. What this means is that even if you do not fit my physical traits that I desire in a man and you are a nice guy with a good personality, charm, and a stable job, then I might go on a date with you. I have male friends in my life that I know well. Normally, I would not think they are physically attractive but their hearts and everything about them make me attracted to them. So I know it is possible to get beyond the looks and fall for someone's heart. This does not mean that I am open to dating any man. I need to be a little bit physically attracted from looking at their photo or I won't go there. If I don't feel it on the first date, I will even go on dates #2, #3, or #4 to see if the attraction develops. I would have to be totally repulsed not to go on a 2nd date.

This leads me to my next potential...His name is Lenny. He is upper 30s, good stable sales job, 1 daughter, musician, and an all around good, polite, gentleman. I LOVE NICE GUYS. We have only been chatting through IM so far. The phone is next. He is very attentive. I love that.

I am not attracted to him physically except for his eyes and lips. He has one of the chunkiest faces that I have ever seen! This bothers me but I want to get to know him to see if there is a connection. So far, he has done everything right. He mentioned going on a date so I suspect that we will meet soon.

Dating Tip For Men and Women - You never know what prince or princess could be underneath an outer exterior. Try and date people outside of your typical standard of physical looks and see if an attraction develops. Don't limit yourself to one standard.

Back from the Cave

Today, Matt IM'd me again. He greeted me with, "Hey sexy ass". He is loving his new job. Overall he was fun and playful. John Gray from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is so right. Men are like rubber bands. They pull away and go in their cave. If you leave them alone, when they come out, they will spring back to you. When they come out, they act as if time never passed. Interesting...

What Relief

I am so happy that I contacted Austin. It was the best decision. I believe I lived in fear about contacting him again afraid that he may not speak to me. I have dated so much since him and have dealt with the rejection so it made it easier for me to take the risk. I don't know what I was thinking. Sometimes that fear runs my life. I am so relieved that we spoke. I do miss him a bunch. I have yet to reply to his last email. I need to do that soon because he asked me some questions. Over the last few days I have realized more and more that it is worth the shot. You only live once and if you don't take the risk, you'll never know. I know people that live their life so afraid of rejection that they never take a risk on love.

I Contacted Austin!

Today, I got up the nerve to contact Austin. I sent him an email. It was relaxed, short, and sweet. I just told him that I wanted to check in and say hello and see how he is doing. I did not mention anything about getting together. After I sent it, I had a fear that he may not respond but then I told myself that I have nothing to lose because we are already not talking anyway. I clicked the sent button, took a deep breath, and let it go. SEVEN MINUTES LATER HE REPLIED! Tears started flowing from my eyes as soon as I read the way he wrote the intro. He wrote "Hey! I was just thinking about you the other day!" No wonder I had this overwhelming urge to contact him. We both have been thinking about each other! He said he could not believe it has been a year. The tone of his email was happy and excited to hear from me. He wanted to know what was going on in my world so I sent another reply and gave him some of the highlights. I tried to keep it as brief as possible. I also wanted to sound interesting. I once again did not mention anything about getting together. He replied again within thirty minutes with a much longer email than what I had sent. He said that his job is going well. He said he was proud of what I have been doing. He told me that he is happy that we are back in touch and mentioned checking our calendars and getting together at a lounge. I would love to see him but I am not ready yet. I will contact him when I am. I want him to kiss me again...I have never been kissed like that before.


On another note, I heard from Matt today. He instant messaged me and said that he got a job and starts tomorrow. He has been out of work for the last few months so I am happy for him. It is funny to me how 2 weeks can go by and then this guy you were seeing all of a sudden contacts you as if you just spoke to him yesterday. It has been 2 weeks since I have heard from him. 2 weeks to a man is like 1 day. 1 day to a woman is like 1 year.

Dating Tip for Women - As long as you did not repeatedly display psycho behavior to a man that you dated for at least a month, it is okay to contact him to say hello. Allow for plenty of time (3 or more months) to pass before you contact him. More than likely he will respond back and be thrilled to hear from you. You have nothing to lose because you are not communicating anyway.

Should I Contact Him Now? That is the Question.

Austin has been on my mind a lot lately. We were dating this time last year for 3 months. I have this overwhelming urge to contact him by email just to say hello and see how he is. We have not spoken since February of this year. Austin is a different kind of man. He pursued in the sense of when we were in person and on the date but in between the dates, he asked me to contact him. Every once in awhile, if he did not hear from me, he would call. I have never had this happen before. Usually the man contacts me every time. With the exception of Austin, men never ask me to call. They like to stay in control.

Austin and I had the most passion for each other. I felt very safe with him and he took really good care of me. I don't think anyone has ever treated me better. He paid attention to all of my details. If he noticed that my feet were hurting, he would just start rubbing them. If my wine glass was empty, he would fill it up. He enjoyed serving me. I never had to say a word. He has really great taste and we have the same interests so I always had the best time with him. It is hard to explain what happened between us but all I can figure out is that he got scared and ran. I can tell that Austin has commitment issues. I think this is completely related to his father walking out on the family and never coming back when he was a young boy. I never did ask for a commitment but it is possible that my actions and body language told him otherwise.

I did move on in the dating world since Austin but honestly, I have been in a funk all year. I have gone up a clothing size and quit taking care of myself like I was doing. I do plan to contact him again to try and see him, but I want to be looking and feeling my best when I do.

I might go ahead and just email him to check in. His status on Myspace showed that he is sad so I am curious to see if he is okay.

Pursue Me Not

Christian and I exchanged many text messages yesterday and today. I told him one of the key components to what attracts me to a man is his desire for me. Christian said that he could not be a typical pursuer because of his unpredictable work schedule. I feel that is a bunch of bull. It appears to me that Christian does not want to put much effort into the pursuit. He thinks that his 3 dates BACK IN DECEMBER 2007 should be enough and if that did not attract me then it won't work. He wants to be in a relationship and I don't know if I am ready for that with him because I did not have enough time with him during the 3 dates to know whether I want to be with him. I am so confused by this guy. I have always told myself that if a man really wants to be with me, then he will come after me no matter what. Whatever happened to the man fighting for you?

DATING TIP FOR WOMEN - If a man really wants to be with you, he will overcome any obstacle within his ability to do so.

Could He Be the One?

Hmmm. I have been thinking about Christian a lot lately. Since he contacted me a month ago, I have wondered if he is the one. We went out last year and I was not ready to commit to him after 3 dates so it fizzled out. I also have not seen him since December. He stands out compared to the other men that I have dated this last year. He is a gentlemen and shows me respect. I do like his heart but I need more time for the attraction to grow. I have not heard from him in a couple of weeks so I sent him a text message letting him know that I was thinking about him. Want I want from Christian is for him to pursue me and date me so that I can know him better. Basically, I want to be swept off my feet. He just now sent me a text message back saying that he does not know what to do because he feels like he is the only one interested. He says that he wants to know that my interest in him is something more than casual. He wants me to drop the wall and take a leap of faith. He says that he thinks about me all the time but that he cannot place the interest and willingness in my heart. Gosh he is sweet.

DATING TIP FOR MEN - If you are interested in a woman, pursue her heart. When I say pursue, do it at a gentle, regular pace. Don't be psycho scary about it. If she allows you to pursue her then continue to do it to win her over. Men do not realize how much his pursuit will turn a woman on. There is something prince charming about it.


DATING TIP FOR WOMEN - As a general rule, do not pursue a man. Let him come after you. His actions of pursuit will prove his desire for you. If you have not heard from a man that you dated more than 3 times in awhile, it is ok to ONE TIME send him a text or very brief email to say hello. Nothing more than that. You may not hear from him right away so don't panic. He may respond the next day, a few days later, or nothing at all. Be prepared for that.

Comfortably Numb

Since I started dating again over a year ago, I have rejected people and I have been rejected. I have found that neither one is easier than the other. The more you experience it, the more you become numb to it and move on. Rejection has never been easy for me because I am such a sensitive woman and I am sensitive to how others feel. I definitely appreciate the amount of dating practice that I have had to learn to deal with this. When I was a young adult, it would take me a long time to get over rejection. Sometimes a year or two. It would hit me so hard that I would fall off into a deep depression. Today it is so much easier. I may be distraught for a day or two and then move on. Distraught may be too strong of a word.

DATING TIP FOR MEN AND WOMEN - In order to get over the fear of rejection, you will have to face it. The more you deal with it, the easier it is to get past it. Don't let the fear of rejection keep you from finding love. When you find your true love, it will be worth every bit of rejection that you ever had to face. As they say, practice makes perfect.

Max Needs to Plan

Max texted me tonight and a couple of times this week to get together. Each time I was too busy to meet with him. I am irritated by his lack of respect to think that I would get with him at the last minute. I think that by me telling him no all week that he will get the hint that he needs to make a plan with me in order to see me. For now, I want to keep him around just in case if I want to have some fun. He is definitely someone that I would never be with long term. Only for entertainment purposes and to pass the time.

DATING TIP FOR MEN - Women really appreciate it when you care about their TIME. Always make a plan with a lady. Give her at least 3-4 days notice. I get turned on if a man gives me a weeks notice. It shows me that he is confident, not afraid to commit, and that he respects me.

No More Desperate Housewives Fantasies

Guess what? The handyman has not knocked on my door in a week!!! I am so happy. I think that raising my voice in front of the other handyman did the trick. I feel so relieved. I was living in so much fear because he was so persistent trying to get me to sleep with him. I learned a huge lesson..no more Desperate Housewives fantasies.